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PES 2009

Pro Evolution Soccer 2009
Is played everyday at my home
And I don't even know which buttons to press.
I recognize and memorize the songs of the set-up menus,
A mirror of daily life and the
Multitudes of decisions we unconsciously and
Constantly make.
These set-up menus,
Which take up more time than the game itself,
Determine the options of fate in the game.
Decisions made in the past
Continue to affect the future.

The game is on daily
And so accurate that I can now recognize soccer players
I have never met or even seen on TV.
Technology allows me access to information
I don't need or had no idea existed.

This video game--
Which critics may write-off as a waste of time--
Shows the ballet in soccer,
The consequences of semi-conscious actions,
And the benefits of working together.

If only Wall Street could apply these lessons,
Taking the time to make good decisions,
Like the set-up menus in PES 2009,
For the benefit of all,
Rather than think only of their individual fame and fortune,
Fucking over the team,
Our economy would not have crashed.

Chaotic Hatred

Chaotic half-baked HATEred.
Cigarettes:
A reoccurring chord of annoyance in my life.
Destroying relationships
With my grandmother--brother--boyfriends.

OF COURSE I'M FUCKING JEALOUS OF THIS
POISONOUS SUBSTANCE

It's the most destructive drug in my life and
I HAVE NEVER SMOKED ANYTHING

If I were God, I would have
NEVER invented the
Blasphemous tobacco plant.

No--
It wasn't God--
Tobacco is of the Devil
And millions of people inhale this evil
DAILY.
The Devil--
I fucking hate him, too.

Tobacco

There is another woman in my boyfriend's life.
She is artful and deceiving--
And addictive.
She can penetrate him deeper than I ever could--
Or would.
While I can barely fill his mouth,
She infiltrates his ever alveoli,
Rushing through his veins,
Altering his chemical balance.
She has penetrated me, too;
In a perverted orgy
She has left a dusting of
Black, cancerous ash on my lungs--
A singer's lungs.
While I have the power of
Logic
To persuade him to dump her,
His body cannot live without her.
One day he MUST choose
Between a dichotomy of women:
The angel and the whore,
Timeless images of impossible
Non-existent women.

May he choose the one who brings him
Happiness--
And long life.

FOOD

FOOD
The "F" is my teeth and lips and mouth,
Masticating and chewing the nutrients of the earth.
The double "OO" mirrors the roundness of my butt cheeks,
Of humongous morning farts.
The "D" is the sound my poop makes
Hitting the water in the toilet
After my body has magically
Separated the bad from the good.
I wish issues of morality could be dealt with
In such a chemical and efficient manner.

FOOD
The roundness of the three letters
Could turn into my body
If I abuse the blessing of my FOOD.

FOOD
Has already been raped by my culture.
Natural, healthy ingredients,
Covered in pesticides,
Filled with preservatives
And artificial flavors--
I doubt that 30% of the FOOD even constitutes natural FOOD.
The flavors have
Weakened and dulled in my memory,
So that FOOD has
Melted into
Legend.

Rebellion

I tasted the caramel in Coca-Cola!
I have been drinking Coke for 16 years,
But I could never pin-point the flavor.
The sticky high fructose corn syrup
Sticks to my teeth.
The can boasts it's the original formula,
But the original included sugar.
Now it's made with an artificial substance
That is powerful enough to dissolve
My teeth.
Bleak destruction masked in bubbles and fake sugar.
But no one questions the ingredients or flavor of this
American classic.

No description necessary! It's Coca-Cola!
Its flavor is Coca-Cola!
Its taste is not to be questioned, not to be analyzed,
Only loved and esteemed as a drink that the tyrannical majority,
Worshiped as a legal and accepted addiction.

I will not blindly drink Coca-Cola.
I will not!
I will analyze and dissect and disagree,
And perhaps
REJECT
Coca-Cola--
For milk.

Jason Mraz

Last night, my good friend, David, invited me to the Jason Mraz concert at the Rialto. The Rialto is an old theater in downtown Tucson that is reminiscent of the 1950s. It is a relatively small auditorium, which afforded everyone with a good view and most people could be close to the stage. The bottom floor was standing room only. There are benefits and consequences to this. One the one hand, if people are standing, there is more energy in the crowd and more people can be at the concert. On the other hand, this system is not the best for short people or people who have a fear of crowds.

Jason came out thirty minutes after the written start time. He came out with witty remarks, jokes, and an atmosphere of comfort, familiarity, and the attitude that it would be a fun night. His songs ranged from romantic and slow, to his rap, to fun, to sexual, to drugs. Unlike some artists that use a special microphone to correct their pitch in the studio, Jason Mraz hit all of his high note in perfect pitch, never shying away from them. His vocal quality was consistent throughout the night and the overall quality was great. The show included older songs, newer songs, never recorded songs, and improv throughout the concert. His lyrics are poetic and varied to the degree that everyone had to be moved at some point in the concert.

Particularly moving was an unrecorded song from his last CD, number 13, which was cut because he only likes to have 12 songs per CD. It was a romantic song about loving an imperfect person, but having a pure love for them. He articulates these feelings with concrete images that one cannot exactly pair with an emotion, except that the feeling hits the audience in the gut, just like a type of spanish modernist poetry.

His music evokes such powerful emotion that he leaves the audience feeling alive and inspired. Although he was only on stage for an hour and a half, his music stayed with me for the rest of the night, today, and surely tomorrow. If you have the opportunity to attend one of his concerts, it will be worth your while.

Sunday Contemplations

I am one of those rare persons who goes to church and gets angry. I do not go there for that purpose, but it happens occasionally. I converted to Catholicism two years ago, so when I go to church, I listen and think about whether or not the Church's beliefs coincide with my own. Before you condemn me for being Catholic, my views on religion are liberal: I believe that there is no such thing as the "right" religion; there are so many religions because each one fits someone and helps them to become a better person.

With that in mind, I will now go into my rant from last Sunday.

The first reading was from the Book of Proverbs in the Old Testament. It was about the benefits of a good wife and how she can be a treasure, walking with her distaff and that she should be appreciated. I am a feminist and in complete agreement with women being appreciated. However, I found many problems with this reading. Yes, I believe women should be good wives IF they have a good and supporting husband. Good husbands are just as much of a treasure as good wives. For many years people have been writing that women with bad husbands have to stick around and take it, but that God and other people will know that their situation is unjust. However, no one steps in to help them with their burden. That is not right. There should have been a passage about the good husband who helps his wife emotionally and, perhaps, financially.

That brings me to my second point: relationship roles. Recently, relationship roles have started changing. Now women can ask men out on dates, propose marriage to them, and there are stay at home dads. Now it can be the man that "holds the distaff." (The distaff, by the way, is a symbol used in literature for the good woman because it symbolizes her sewing, which she brings around with her everywhere. Considering many women do not know how to sew these days, suffice it to say that that symbol is grossly outdated.). This is another reason why people cannot really relate to this passage today.

One of the reasons I like the Catholic Church is because the Pope is supposed to interpret the Bible when passages become outdated so people can still apply them, or realize that they should no longer be heeded, such as the issue of slavery. The Pope or the priest should have done that for this passage. During his homily, the priest reiterated that marriage should be between a man and a woman (though homosexual couples bring love into the world, which is more christian than the heterosexual epidemic of divorce these days. I'll stop before I'm excommunicated.) and that people in a relationship should exhibit Godly characteristics. Yes, both people in a relationship should be loving, supportive, respectful, etc. in a relationship, but he did nothing to qualify the passage except mention that it was patriarchal--no shit.

This is what he should have said.

The distaff was an old symbol for the good woman who brought her sewing around with her everywhere she went so that she, too could contribute to the household. Obviously, women do not do that these days, but let us think about what makes us valuable to a relationship. It is not only important for women to be godly in a relationship, but for men as well. Both parties need to be loving, generous, respectful, and good people in general. This passage should not only be about the virtues of a good wife, but of a good husband as well. Also, the values in this passage are outdated. It used to be that marriage was a business contract to benefit both families with the woman being the payment, hence the dowry. The concept of love marriages came about as recently as the nineteenth century, though they did not become successful until modern day (that may still be up for debate because if people come from too different of backgrounds, they may not be successful in the long run if their relationship is solely based on love, a fleeting emotion). Since our concept of marriage has greatly changed since then, we cannot look at this passage literally, but figuratively. The message it should convey to you is that we all need to take the time to appreciate one another in our relationships, not only sexual ones or relationships between a married couple. Take this time to reflect if you have exhibited godly characteristics in your relationships and if not, where can you improve? Also, think about those with whom you engage in relationships. Have you taken them for granted? Take some time to appreciate them.

That should have been the message. However, I was sitting there, listening to this priest and getting more and more angry, to the point where I wanted to walk out of the church. As I sat there fuming and glaring at the priest, I looked around. People were not paying attention and had glazed looks on their faces. I understand that church may get redundant week after week. But if you go every Sunday, that's 52 hours in a year that you sit there wasting your time and not listening or trying to improve yourself, which is one of the purposes of church. So, if you go to church, if you do any activity, pay attention and think, otherwise you are wasting your time.

Drunken Musings

After taking 2 GREs in a 48-hour period, I decided to get drunk. While I was drunk, I was inspired to write and this is what I came up with.

I. (11/9/08)
I look in the mirror,
Not to please my vanity,
But to search for a glimpse
Of myself when I was young.
Could I have envisioned myself
Drinking?
Is there still a part of my
Five-year-old self here?
Would she be proud of me?
Do I still look like her?
Do I still exhibit that child-like innocence
That can elicit care-free laughter?
I think she is still within me,
Watching my every move,
A personification of my conscious,
Like Jiminy Cricket.
I maintain my ideals for her.
I work towards my goals for her.
She, who has the power of the world
At her fingertips.
She has more potential than all
Of the world's leaders combined.

Hopefully I will make her proud.

II.

Sharp Ice!
An untouched
Wilderness
In a glass.
The artic pole
Glittering at your grasp.
A microcosm on your table!

How fortunate!

Innocent, Little...

"Innocent, little Lily."

This phrase has remained mostly unchanged for my entire life. Sometimes "naive" will be added to the list of adjectives. However, I have changed a lot since elementary school when this description was first given to me. Granted, I'm not much taller than I was when I was eleven, but people have called me "little" even when they are barely taller than me. Still, I wonder what it is about that causes people to assume I am "innocent" and "little."

In the United States, I agree that I am on the short side, but I am not abnormally so. In Spain and Italy, I am about average height. Therefore, "little" is somewhat applicable, but not a unique and essential characteristic.

Secondly, and perhaps more problematic, the adjective "innocent." According to the dictionary, "innocent" means "free from moral wrong; pure; guiltless; not involving evil intent or motive." Yes, on one level, this is a good adjective for me. As a Catholic, I go to church every weekend and confession regularly. These are some of the ways I try to be "free from moral wrong." In addition to this, I try to be a good person. I also avoid "evil intent or motive." However, there is also the connotation of naivete with this word, and that is the aspect that I resent. I am not naive. I am well-traveled, have many experiences, and I have street smarts. This may be in contradiction to many out there who feel a need to protect me. That is not the case. I appreciate your concern, but I do not need your protection. I can take care of myself. The only thing I would appreciate is your support.

This phrase is normally delivered with a note of condescension. I am no longer a small, five-year-old girl in need of a guide. I am self-supporting and have lived by myself. I work hard and achieve my goals. Please do not underestimate me and condemn me to a life of eternal childhood. Sometimes I engage in activities that are childlike, such as eating cookie dough and eating brown sugar straight. However, I am now an analytical, independent adult. Please treat me as your equal.

Dance Dance

How often do you see a bunch of college students dancing in front of each other like they would in their room when no one was watching? Not often.

Last night I went to an atypical 21st birthday party, which was much more fun than the normal type. A "normal" 21st birthday party involves pre-gaming (i.e. drinking at home) in someone's house or apartment, leaving before midnight, and appearing at one of the bars that allows the "Power Hour." This is when the birthday guy/girl has two hours to drink as much as s/he can. S/he doesn't pay and drinks everything that is handed his/her way. Sometimes this involves 21 shots in an hour, which can kill. I have personally never seen this. After drinking so much, the birthday kid normally throws up and has a huge hangover the next day. Not so with the party that I went to last night.

Alex is my friend who completely disregards what society deems "you should be like." Her house is covered in paintings, pictures, posters, and art, most of which she has made herself. Her bathroom scale does not even have the numbers: they have been replaced with stickers that say "You are beautiful." It is so refreshing! Since when does a specific weight signify beauty anyway?

The music was Alex's pic and it was music that one normally doesn't hear at parties or bars these days. She and her friends, myself included, danced without inhibitions and we all appeared to be dancing like kids again. In the bars, one does not dance like this for fear of looking stupid, being teased, or, God forbid, not finding a guy/girl to get a number that you will never call. Instead, the people at the bars dance artificially, as if performing a show. One would think that alcohol lowers one's inhibitions, but that does not mean that superficiality is not there. Contrary to all of this, seeing all of my friends dance as they would, not taking social norms into consideration, was entirely refreshing. They were honestly having fun, experiencing joy, and that, in turn, made me happy. And at midnight, instead of going to the bars, we all wished Alex happy birthday, sang, and ate a slice of ladybug cake, homemade and delicious. It was a low-key party, but one consisting of good friends who all had a good time.

The best part is that Alex will enjoy her birthday today without a hangover.

My point is that many people in American society today are superficial even when they don't know it. Getting ready to go out to the bars usually entails wearing clothes and make-up that is not normal or, sometimes, comfortable. They dance in a way that is not natural, but socially acceptable. And people meet others, but the bond is superficial because how can you really get to know someone when you're drunk? Americans are superficial for so much of the time that I wonder if they remember who they are. We should all work on being comfortable with ourselves. When that is obvious to the world, it will not look stupid; on the contrary, it will be refreshing and make others happy.

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