It has been a while since my last post because I have been really busy! I decided that I wanted to go back to school for a PhD in English Literature. I have been experiencing a lot of change: moving to a one-bedroom apartment, ending my career as a middle school teacher, and starting a graduate program. Unfortunately, due to all of those changes, I have not had very much time to knit. Hopefully I will be able to make time for it soon. Getting back to graduate school...

I have been in orientation the last few days and I have learned a lot about myself and my new colleagues. The first few days I was timid and did not want to participate in discussions or talk much to people; I was reserved. I was nervous for a few reasons. I haven't been in school for three years. As such, I'm worried that I'm rusty on my essay writing and critical thinking. I'm worried that I won't have enough time to read (at least two books a week!). I'm worried that I'll be the worst PhD candidate in my program when I'm used to being at the top of my class. All summer I have been forgetting the silliest words! What if that were to happen while I was teaching? Or what if my vocabulary left me during a class discussion and I couldn't communicate as eloquently as the others? My list of fears goes on and on.

Now that I've met my colleagues and chatted with them for a few days, I learned that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Many of my colleagues are starting again after a few years of being away from academia. We are all concerned about the work load. We all have been rejected from multiple graduate programs. None of us know the exact trick to getting into graduate school, though all of us have. This makes me more comfortable. It's not that misery loves company, but I am reassured that I am not the only one with doubts. I feel less like the black sheep.

When I was an undergrad, I idolized the graduate students. They were so professional and so intelligent! I had them on a pedestal. Now I'm one of those students. Perhaps I know more than I give myself credit for.

After a few days of being with my colleagues, I am feeling much more confident. We are all starting with worries and doubts, but we are learning together and helping each other. My critical thinking skills are working faster and faster. I am pleased to say that my vocabulary is quickly coming back. Everyday I am becoming more confident, though being accepted into a program should have given me that from the beginning.

Now my knitting has met steep competition: graduate school. Hopefully I will be able to make time for my favorite hobby, especially since reading and writing--my other loves--have become my job!

Happy knitting, reading, and writing!