I don't think I've had this much suspense in a 19th-century novel before, at least not a mystery novel. Francis Burney's Evelina kept me on the edge of my chair the past few days and I'm barely half-way through! She influenced Jane Austen, which was one of the reasons I am reading her work. It is clear that she influenced Austen: both are preoccupied with marriage and have mini soap operas going on. Just like in Pride and Prejudice, Evelina is concerned about first impressions, misgivings, and how to properly act in society. Burney is masterful at building suspense with Evelina's actions and decisions: just when you think she can't mess up more, she does! However, in the eyes of all, she remains perfectly genteel and sweet.

Half-way through the book, she changes her opinion of Lord Orville, who is the only decent bachelor in the book. As soon as I read her change of mind, I instantly turned my kindle off. I could not handle her messing this up to. I was not ready to read a tragedy for another hundred pages.

Two days later, I haven't read it again because I'm still not ready to see her majorly mess up. My boyfriend says it's like I'm addicted to a soap opera. Instead of reading it, I started reading another book. However, today I knew that the suspense would kill me if I didn't read Evelina again. But I was tricky: I took my paper copy and read the ending. I know, cheater. I'm like Harry in When Harry Met Sally. I won't tell you what happens, but I can continue reading again.

If you thought 19th-century literature was boring, definitely pick up this book!

The new school year has just begun. So far, it looks like it's going to be great: two different classes to prepare, tons of technology, and, most importantly, incredibly supportive coworkers. I'm at a new school and I can recreate my identity as a teacher; well, a bit.

Although the year is just beginning, the feeling of swimming or sinking is very strong. Last year, each weekend went up and down: I felt like I could enjoy life when there was nothing to plan, but when the need to plan my classes hit, I felt like I was going to sink. Each weekend I planned my classes so I could enjoy a few days, but then the sinking feeling of having to plan more was always a few days away. As my new principal put it, there's always going to be more work, so you need to take time to enjoy life. She's completely right. While I did spend one day this weekend planning, I'm hoping to spend less time working during my weekends and more time enjoying life.

Everyone says that the first year teaching is incredibly difficult--some say the first three years. I know that last year was really difficult for me, 60+ hours a week and feeling stress so much that I thought it would never go away. Yes, I had to plan 6 different classes a day and write lesson plans, so I was justified in my stress, but I would have preferred to not have been in that situation to begin with.

While I was reflecting on last year, I realized a few things. One, that I learned a lot about teaching, interacting with coworkers, and being in "the real world." I think I learned more last year about the work place than most people learn in a few years! Am I glad that I learned so much so quickly? Normally my answer would be "yes," but under that circumstance, no. Not only would I have wanted more time to learn all that, I realized that I would have preferred reading about it in a book instead so I wouldn't have had to make the mistakes in the first place.

That was my biggest realization: my dependency on books. My entire life, my philosophy has been that I should not make mistakes that I can prevent by learning about them from reading. I can get experiences through characters or from nonfiction. Why should I suffer the consequences when people, real or imaginary, have already done it for me? Do I really need to mark up my own tabula rasa? I'm still of this belief, but others emphasize the importance of learning the feeling and emotion behind making mistakes and learning things the hard way. Perhaps so; I definitely empathize more with the characters I read about. Still, an imaginary character's mistakes aren't so dire as a real person's.

Books are my safety blanket. When I'm overwhelmed with life and just want to forget everything, picking up a book has always been my cure, my relaxation. I want to mark up my tabula rasa with experiences from books and reality. Is that so wrong?

"Your conformity explains nothing. Act singly, and what you have already done singly will justify you now."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way, but must accept his lot calmly if they even roll a few more upon it."
--Albert Schweitzer

"Difficulties increase the nearer we get to the goal."
--Goethe

"I know nothing about sex because I was always married."
--Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Any poet, if he is to survive beyond his 25th year, must alter; he must seek new literary influences; he will have different emotions to express."
--TS Eliot

"Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong."
--Ella Fitzgerald

"The only thing better than singing is more singing."
--Ella Fitzgerald

"Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly."
--Unknown

"To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost."
--Gustave Flaubert

"War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory."
--Georges Clemenceau

"Oh! do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch."
--Jane Austen

"Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart." Washington Irwing

Recently in one of my English classes, my professor mentioned that one year her entire class could not think of an insult that did not trace back to women. For instance, "mother fucker," implies disrespect to one's mother; "bastard" refers to a baby born out of wedlock and therefore the loose morals of the mother, and the list goes on.

Thanks to the wonderful internet, I learned a new word today: "himbo," which is a male version of a bimbo. Now there is a word that means an attractive man who uses his looks to his advantage, but is really unintelligent. Interestingly enough, I am not sure if I fully agree with the creation of this word. On the one hand, we now are on the cusp of an era where insulting words are equal between the sexes. That is to say, that there will be as many insulting words for men as there are for women. Feminists only wanted equality; this includes equality through language.

On the other hand, is it right to have such words to begin with? Should people be judged and insulted because nature did not grant them intelligence? Should people be judged because they openly worship the body of the opposite sex? Should people really be judged at all? Judgement prevents people from feeling comfortable being individuals and therefore, we now have a world full of clones.

However, at least western culture has a foundation of judgements. Thanks to organized religion, we have a set of laws and rules and those who don't abide by those rules are punished and judged. This is not necessarily a bad thing because without rules, everything would be chaos. Yet perhaps it would be best not to judge each other as harshly as people tend to do nowadays.

Oh, the ethics of language. Always changing, a wonderful thing to study. :)